we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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