drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it glows. i had to have it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
