Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am available for nakedness
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
