quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
