I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
