what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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