Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
