hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
