break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have demons in me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
