she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
