When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
