You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
