he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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