the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize