I got chris browned last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize