WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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