I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i now understand why vodka
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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