you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
