We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
