We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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