What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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