She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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