My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
