it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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