So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
