First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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