where am i from again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All the doctor said was why
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
