he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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