Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
