hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
