so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize