Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You have to summon your inner elephant
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
