is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
