I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
