You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize