we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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