Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
