About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
