ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
