Will you blow on my dice?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
