Will you blow on my dice?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
