my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize