we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
