your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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