I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
