Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize