Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
