my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
