Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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