i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
