this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
