How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
