a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
