u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
