She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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