she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
