First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
