weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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