when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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