can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
