my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize