I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
