yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
