i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
