booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Randomize
