I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
