Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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