Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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