i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
